“My heart has been broken, cheated, played & lied to. But I still believe in love. And I believe it will find me someday in some way.”
That has forever been my mantra, but today I realised I can’t kid myself any longer. Everyone who has ever claimed to love me be it a friend, boyfriend, sibling etc. it has all been based on invalid truths. I’m just the fall back girl. The one who is okay until something better comes along. Yes, I was great to be your friend through all the hard times, but as soon as they’re over, and you find a new friend, it’s bye bye! I just get forgotten about, as if I won’t be hurt by the fact that people abandon me. Another great example, if you loved me, you wouldn’t just have believed a rumour over me. You wouldn’t be being so vindictive, hypocritical and hurtful if you had ever loved me. And my own Daddy, we were fine, until some blonde skank came along and you decided we weren’t good enough anymore. I don’t remember you ever telling me you loved me after she left. And then you just disappear off the face of the Earth without even so much as a goodbye. I hate this. It makes me feel a million times more worthless than I already did to sit and realise all of this. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs until somebody gives a rats ass. But that’s not ever going to happen. I’m just right back where I started. I was always going to be that same little girl that nobody talked to inside, I swore I wouldn’t let it define me, or pigeonhole me forever, but I feel like she is who I am. Who I’ll always be. I don’t know why being honest and loving is so difficult. I must be love-retardant.
Posted on Mar 19th, 2012